Three Groups at Boeing Zero in on Performance Measurement (published by National Productivity Review, Spring 1994)
The Blossoming of Melissa (published by Roots and Wings Adoption Magazine, Jan/Feb/Mar 1996)
Learning to Walk the Leadership Talk? (published by Healthcare Executive Mar/Apr 1994)
Using Leadership Criteria to Measure and Reward Performance (published by Physician Executive, Aug 1995)
Practice what you Preach (published by Best Practice, "Measuring Performance" Issue, IFS International Lmt, UK)
Integrating Processes and Performance: Benchmarks and Keys to Quality (published by Performance & Instruction, Sept 1993) ...and 19 more The Blossoming of Melissa
(by JT Carr, published by Roots & Wings, Jan/Feb/Mar 1996) Enraged by her new daughter's disrespect, embarrassed by her stealing, and frightened by her anger, she turned to counselors, crisis intervention teams, school, and church...only to find that the answers lay within her own renewed commitment to respect, patience, and compassion...and the suspension of her own judgment. Melissa was adopted from the streets of Calcutta [India] when she was 8 years old (1988). She didn't speak English; had never attended school; never eaten with utensils; never washed in a sink; and never sat on a toilet. Her teeth were brown and broken; her stomach distended from malnutrition; and her body marked with scars from disease. During her first year with Eastgate's Nina Barkauskas, she gained confidence and started to bloom. When 1st grade ended, so did her progress. She began to say she didn't like school and didn't want to learn. She refused to attend, and began to act out. Her behavior worsened. By the time she was 12 years old, she ran away from school and home (1992). She bit, bruised and scratched me and herself. She shouted insults and used profanity. She lied, stole and was picked up by police. She refused to talk at home or in school. In short, she showed characteristics of "children without a conscience", namely anger, defiance, and lack of caring. I was enraged by Melissa's disrespect, embarrassed by her stealing, and frightened by her anger. I sought help from counselors, the Crisis Center, Youth Eastside Services, from church, and schools. Few had answers. She would not talk. I knew that I had to get Melissa to talk to me in order to find out what was troubling her and making her angry. But how should I talk so that she would listen? How should I listen so that she would talk? While some books were helpful, I found Dr. Charles E. Schaefer's book How to Influence Children to be succinct in providing answers. I learned influencing skills. I learned about roadblocks ("put downs") that I was using in my daily words that shut off communication and damaged her self esteem. I learned that these roadblocks could contribute to mental problems and physical ailments like "tics". I was determined to treat the now teen Melissa with respect, patience and compassion. I strengthened my own personal standards. Three months later, Melissa no longer rebelled at home but continued to run away from school. Anger and punishment were not the answers. What worked were (1) getting behind my/her anger, (2) compassion, and (3) listening/speaking with respect. I had to come to terms with my own anger first and find peace. I sought to understand rather than judge. I had to learn influencing skills: to speak without "put downs" (disrespect) so that she would listen/speak to me. I used a leadership criteria of (1) Teamwork, (2) Entrepreneurship, and (3) Productivity to guide my own performance and measured my success by Melissa's feedback in terms of agreement or rebellion. I realized that if I could change my behavior and influence her, I would be rewarded with a caring, loving teenager. Along our journey, we rewarded ourselves with fun, prizes (chocolate), games, and friendship. When rewards are meaningful, isn't the effort worthwhile? Teamwork Teamwork develops in an atmosphere of friendship and working together. Since school was causing problems for Melissa, we began homeschooling. Loneliness caused learning barriers. When that occurred, we put aside our books, played some games, talked, went for walks, had fun, and relaxed. [ Process: Negotiating process (Step 2-Backgrd music/Getting acquainted) Measure: Talking, sharing Sample reward: Fun Integrated with Process: Creativity process (Step 2- relaxation) Measure: Games, walks, various relaxation activities Sample reward: New ideas, personal growth (learning)]
We reached out to others. Melissa periodically wrote a newsletter, and inserted it when she delivered her newspapers to keep the neighbor-subscribers informed. We develop teamwork. We requested their help to save rubber bands and plastic bags for newspaper delivery. Neighbors responded, and received their newspapers in bagel bags, dry cleaner and bread bags. We giggled as we wrapped and delivered the papers...but the papers arrived dry and safe. We thanked the neighbors, and they rewarded Melissa with various gifts of thanks, handmade goods/cookies and money. We joined many different clubs/groups, including church, but found that people really didn't mix, nor were they very cordial. But we found other answers. We joined a Seattle-based group called Friend to Friend, where volunteer friends--like Melissa and I--visit people in nursing homes, care centers, and independent living places, and offer love and friendship. Our few relatives live in Florida and communicate infrequently. These residents have become our "Uncle Bobs", "Aunt Ruths", and "Grandma". The love and friendship that has developed here has helped decrease our loneliness. We all benefit and everyone wins. Entrepreneurship Entrepreneurship develops in an atmosphere of need, creativity, and fun. Only when loneliness was lessened by talking, explaining, discussing, socializing, and relaxing, could learning occur. In 1994, we followed the school curriculum. Our goal was to "learn" in the true sense of the word. That meant scientific concepts had to be illustrated in practical, understandable ways, using graphics and pictures. For the 1st quarter, we studied plant science, using EYEWITNESS BOOK SERIES which illustrated, compared, and pointed out similarities and differences. We walked around the neighborhood, discovering the leaf and needle trees, analyzed our findings, and designed a visual report, organized by same/different characteristics. Creativity was used throughout, both in our findings and in the report title:"TLC: Trees, Leaves and Cones". When we entered the 2nd and 3rd quarter(human science), we had the most fun. We searched the library for books that illustrated body parts clearly. INVISIBLE WORLD SERIES provided clear pictorial and text explanations. We viewed various videos (LIVING BODY SERIES) that described and demonstrated the body functions/activities. We talked, explained and laughed. At dinner, we explained as our mouth watered, how our eyes were communicating with our brain, sending visual messages and causing our salivary glands to produce saliva. We delighted as our nostrils sent sensory messages to our brain, causing the salivary glands to make more saliva and watery mouths. We laughed as we chewed the food into "boles", sent them down the esophagus to our small intestine, and so on. And when Melissa excused herself to go to the bathroom, we reviewed what had been happening in our body, resulting in her body's need to expel waste products, both in liquid and solid forms. She exclaimed laughingly, "What a strange discussion we are having!". We had fun. We talked. We laughed. And we learned. During the 4th quarter, we studied animal science, making comparisons between the digestive systems of mammals which we had just studied in depth, and other animals. We completed various analyses, comparing systems such as digestive, reproductive, circulatory with humans, cats (house and wild), elephants, monkeys, zebras, and others. We compared bones, muscles, veins and made various matrices. We completed the projects by gathering graphics of interest, organizing them into logical categories, and designing posters comparing the various systems of humans and animals. Most of all, we discussed, shared and laughed. When we felt stressed, we paused, played Dominoes or some other fun, thinking-skills game, relaxed, then resumed. Sometimes, evenings and weekends, we "did nothing". I read the paper, a book, or did something creative and easy to relax such as making jam, biscuits or corn bread, or gardening; Melissa read, worked puzzles, did needlework, worked in the garden, or wrote letters for relaxation. Productivity Productivity was evidenced in terms of techniques, simplicity: We used productivity techniques such as "keep it simple", "have more than one use for something", "mind mapping", and "scanning" to acquire much information in a short period of time. We were resourceful and productive, and used the library exclusively. We demonstrated time management by using the calendar to track due dates, and paid under $2.00 in fines although we each frequently possessed about 50 books and other library materials at one time. We learned computer "eze" by searching, selecting and requesting various items using the library computer. At the same time, we were studying world history. As we progressed through various countries such as India, UK, and Africa, we examined and discussed the animals found in these areas as well. We tracked and discussed world events, and the happenings in Japan, China, and Africa as they compared to the revolutions in the United States. Thus we integrated studies, methods of learning, and topics. We used videos, audiotapes, books, maps, and discussions to learn and develop written reports, poster presentations, and note book collections, as evidence of completion. We praised each other for the smallest achievements, and had fun. Most of all, we shared what we had learned, discussed our findings, and laughed. MEASURING & REWARDING OUR PERFORMANCE I used Melissa's reactions (feedback in terms of agreement or rebellion) as measures of success. We rewarded ourselves with fun, and praise when we did things right. We shared secrets, forgave mistakes, and by so doing, developed trust, and became friends. We learned to have fun. Although it was difficult to change my behavior, the reward of having Melissa become a self confident, achieving youth was worth the effort (goal). Isn't rewarding the right behavior the key to successful performance? Dr. Frank Kunstal, noted writer on issues affecting bonding and attachment in difficult children who have often been in multiple placements says it best: "Families who succeed with disturbed children seem to share common parental ideals, values, styles, and beliefs. No outside factor is more significant than the child's moment-to-moment, day-by-day life in the family, and nothing can take the place of family in the child's healing and recovery."## |
